My recovery story begins 16 years ago when I went through my first treatment center at the insistence of my wife, who threatened to leave me, my children and my mother. The 21 day inpatient treatment consisted of doing the first 5 steps of AA and a thorough indoctrination into the 12 step program. It was there that I was first "given" the disease of alcoholism. I remained abstinent for about 6 months, then I resumed drinking. My wife did leave me and disappeared with our kids. I continued drinking, drugging and partying (I loved to party) for about another 10 years. Toward the end of that binge I knew that I needed to quit drinking because of health, family and the final straw, legal (a DUI) problems.

My closest friend, whom I grew up with from the age of 8, had quit drinking, which I admired, and joined AA about 2 years earlier. He convinced me to take a deferred sentence which meant a 2 year outpatient program. It took about 8 months to get through the court thing. I remained abstained on my own. I found that sobriety without AA was not such a big deal as the program had claimed. This, coupled with the fact that my broken up body demanded a change of occupation, led me to a decision to go back to school and become a CD counselor. I enrolled and began the 2 year program.

At about the same time I began the 2 year outpatient program which began with 3 hours of lecture and group meetings 3 times a week for 8 weeks. Then a year of 3 hour weekly meeting. The remainder of the 2 years consisted of one meeting per month. In addition to that it required at least 2 AA meetings per week, with signed slips, for the entire two year period.

I remained abstained for a little over a month and then relapsed and went on a 3 month heavy binge. It ended in detox for 22 days and yet another 28 day inpatient treatment. The program differed little from the program that I had been in years before. I remained abstained for about a year and a half. I managed to stay in school, as an honor student. I truly enjoyed school. They taught the disease theory and only the disease theory. In retrospect I see that the people in 12 step programs are completely in charge of education, licensing and content of the addiction treatment industry. AA, the only game in town, is being taught at the college level of our nation.

I began drinking again, cautiously at first, but it soon spiraled down into a first class binge. I kept asking myself, "If I'm drinking there, must be something in my understanding of the program that I'm missing. Or there is something seriously wrong with me that causes me to be so self destructive". My education supported this thought. I diligently sought a solution, but none was to be found in the "reality" created by the 12 step program.

I went through yet another 21 day program, which was a carbon copy of the other programs. My whole being cried out for drink the whole time. Why did I become afflicted with such a horrible disease that caused me to crave the very thing that defined the disease? It is a dog chasing its tail. A week after treatment I was drunk.

Failing to comply with the terms of the deferred sentence landed me in jail. "I'm too old for that anymore" I thought, "I've got to do something. This is no good. I must stop drinking... But How?" I had worked the steps, hard, I did service work. I diligently studied in school. I was the star of the CD program. I was elected president of a student organization concerning itself with CD issues. I drank. I stopped. I drank. I stopped. I drank. On and on until your printer runs out of ink I drank. I stopped. I drank.

As an assignment for a group process class, I choose to briefly present Rational Recovery as a treatment modality. Any theory other than the bio-psycho-social-spiritual disease theory receives little more than a glancing word in any of the classes. Because of prejudges I had developed in school I was not able to look beyond the disease theory. I gave the presentation without a true understanding of the subject. I slipped by with just a few things from the Internet for reference. The teachers were interested in style rather than content.

Getting back to jail. I spent a couple of weeks of heavy soul and psyche searching. I had done all could with the 12 step program. It offered me nothing more than going to meetings where I learned better ways to relapse and absolve myself of responsibility. I assumed that the miracle was freedom from the desire to drink. The miracle did not happen. As soon as I was released from jail I bought and read "Rational Recovery: The New Cure For Substance Addiction. " About half way through the book I came to a vivid understanding of the thinking skill of AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) The addictive voice is the rumblings of my Beast, the source of my desire to drink. A few days latter I entered into my big plan: I Will NEVER drink again. The only thing that can possibly deter me from this vow is my Beast, my desire to drink. I put it there, I nurtured it and I put and end to it. I am Free! I know, to the essence of my being, I will never drink again.

I've also know that I've been duped by the 12 step program and the higher education system of our nation. I'm mad as hell...and I'm not going to take it anymore. Get out of the way...AA.

There are many people living with addictions that are getting worse, not better. There are many approaches to their remedy. Let each soul find their way. There is no room for monopolies that limit the human spirit and its freedom. AVRT works for me, very well I might add. I was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. My Beast let out a horrible, demanding roar. Party hearty! Why not you're going to die anyway. Well, dear reader, there ain't none of us gettin' out of this thing alive to begin with.